Tuesday, July 07, 2009
weakness 3: negative flows
over the years, i've learnt that by thinking of the worst of any situation, the results always leave me satisfied. i always imagine the worst possibilities. the worst outcome. i think it helps in bringing down my expectations on things. and then it turns me into a very negative person.
i "twist" the good meaning behind people's words. i "twist" the good intentions behind people's actions. i cause misery to myself and to those who really cares. but the worst of all was, i know of my problem and i can't stopping myself from being negative.
Labels: Emo_Jas
Monday, July 06, 2009
donations for Charmaine
our little fund rasing, raised S$1,000!!!woohooo~
As of July 5th, half a million dollars had been raised to bring Charmine to New York for treatment. Let's pray.
http://ourfeistyprincess.blogspot.com/
Labels: Happy_Jas
Sunday, July 05, 2009
weakness 2: untruth
i dislike the fact that i'm a liar. not a literal liar. but rather, i am not open with my feelings. there are many things that i'm unhappy about. or things that i don't agree with. but i don't and can't speak up. not that i was really happy about it also. and i think it makes me feel & look bad about myself.
the pure fact that i don't like what is happening and yet i keep quiet about it, is bad.
i want to stop pretending that i'm happy with the way things are happening around me, with the ways people are treating me, with the way people are saying things around me.
but...
if i can't snap myself out of this. i ill just continue hating myself and release negative flows.
Labels: Emo_Jas
Saturday, July 04, 2009
weakness 1: death
not my own death. others.since young, i have this
but, many times, as a was seated alone at a corner, just before i drift into sleep, this thought would just creep into my head.
i could be returning home to bodies of dead. or i was at the funeral parlour staring at the dead body. or i was screaming at the dead to wake up. and the more the thought manifested by itself, i find myself weeping uncontrollably.
this thoughts kills me.
i couldn't get back to sleep anymore as images keep running back. worst still was. i'm consumed with guiltiness of even having the thoughts of them dead.
Labels: Emo_Jas
Friday, July 03, 2009
i am not maria
i get really upset (and affected) when after a hard/ long day at work, what greets me was: a. a rack full of clothes. and properly will be there forever.
b. a Being sleeping on both sides of the bed.
c. a pile of clothes to be washed.
d. a 'sanded' floor
e. a thought that this will only get tougher, not better
i hate it that the thought just manifested by itself.
Labels: Upset_Jas
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
stress-ed
i've been having nightmares lately... the thoughts of what the future might hold for me, stress me out..
Labels: Upset_Jas
A Helping Hand
a few days ago, i chanced upon this blog (http://ourfeistyprincess.blogspot.com/) of a little girl whom had cancer. She's only 4 years old. The Godmother was hoping to help raise half a million dollars fund to send the girl to NY for treatmentsome kind souls were doing a Fund Raising Exercise (Baking Brownies) for Little Charmaine and I sent an email to the the few "closies" enquiring if they would like to place their orders too. response were luke warm and i was abit disappointed.
after enquiring with the kind souls, i learnt that the fund raising exercise had stopped due to shortage of manpower and overwhelming response from the public.
and thus, the rest of us decided that we would do cash contributions then.
today, i received an email from a fellow colleague who was not in my list of email but had heard of my little "fund raising exercise". he asked if he could contribute and of course i welcomed him.
when he passed me his little envelope, i was a little stunned by the thickness of the envelope. upon enquiring, i found out that there were $450 in the envelope. he make me promise to keep it a secret and never let anyone know that the contribution was from him.
i was really touched.
Labels: DLS
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
nonchalant
something about his actions are bothering/hurting me. but he doesn't even cares.
Labels: Relationships